Jungle Fever
by Snidget Jaguarni
Summary: Remus, Severus and Sirius find themselves lost in a tropical, magical jungle. Unable to do any magic and over 8000km from home, the not-so-intrepid trio have to make their way back to Hogwarts.
1. Wizard's Roulette

"I don't need you to baby-sit me, you know," Remus whispered to the hulking black dog that walked alongside him. The animagus simply sniffed and ignored Remus's glare. Ungainly and conspicuous as Sirius was, Remus was privately glad he didn't need to travel through Knockturn Alley alone.  
  
Knockturn Alley was no doubt an eerie place. Watching eyes gleamed from the shadows and it was impossible to turn a corner without feeling that something was waiting to pounce. But, most unfortunately for Remus, Knockturn Alley was the only place to get Hungarian Horntail egg teeth, which he needed for his Wolfsbane potion. It had taken weeks for Remus to find somebody to brew the Wolfsbane, and only then on the condition that Remus would deliver the ingredients. No respectable wizard would allow himself to be spotted here, and that was the reason Remus and Sirius both were surprised to see Severus Snape storming down the path.  
  
Severus sneered as he saw Remus approach." What are you doing here, Lupin? I wouldn't think someone as innocent as Dumbledore's pet monster would step foot in such a dark corner of the world."  
  
Remus failed to keep his annoyance in check. "I normally leave this place to bottom-feeders and overgrown bats, Snape. But today, I need potion ingredients, so I've temporarily lowered myself to this level. Speaking of overgrown bats, why are you here, Snape? Surely someone who is working for Albus Dumbledore wouldn't have any business in this place."  
  
Severus scowled. "It's none of your concern, Lupin. I have as much right to come to this alley as anyone else. You're the one who shouldn't be here. You won't even come past Prufrock's Emporium of Enchanted Underwear without your little watchdog." he jeered, sending a scathing look at Sirius. "I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be brave."  
  
Sirius finally lost his temper. Transforming quickly into a man, he started toward Severus, growling in a very dog-like manner. "Well, you're certainly living up to being a slimy, evil Slytherin, Snape!"  
  
"Sirius!" Remus hissed, "Calm down! Turn back before..." Remus gazed around the alleyway, "Before someone sees you..."  
  
The alley, which previously contained whispering shadows and shifting eyes, was now unsettlingly empty. The three men peered around the deserted back street.  
  
"Just how long were we arguing? What time is it?" Remus asked, growing more and more uneasy.  
  
"Not late enough for everyone to have left." Sirius said, trying to hide his confusion. "Maybe they saw something."  
  
"Or. someone," a voice said from behind them. In a flash, Severus and Remus drew their wands and pointed them in the direction the voice was coming from, but lowered them when they saw who was stepping out of the shadows.  
  
It was only an old man. Hunch-backed and with gentle eyes, the old wizard looked no more dangerous than a turnip.  
  
The old wizard slowly spread his hands. "Gentlemen," he said, croakily. "You appear to have trouble deciding which one of you belongs here, is that correct?"  
  
The old man smiled toothlessly. "Well, not to worry." The man's voice suddenly turned cold. "None of you belong here."  
  
In the blink of an eye, the old man whipped out his wand. "Expelliarmus!"  
  
He clutched their wands in his hand, then snapped his fingers, beckoning a group of people out of the shadows."One of them hit Severus, Sirius and Remus with a binding spell, leaving them unable to escape. Trapped and surrounded by unknown mages, Remus turned to the old man. "What do you want? Who are you?" he snapped.  
  
The old man sneered. "It's of no importance. The point is, you three are here when you shouldn't be. You're going to provide a little. amusement for our little group."  
  
Chuckling cruelly, the man signalled for the group, currently brandishing their wands like spears, to follow him. As they walked, Remus hissed to Sirius, "Who are these people? Where are they taking us?"  
  
Sirius didn't look at Remus, but out of the side of his mouth he whispered, "They must be 'The Horde of Caligo.' They capture people and use them for their own twisted enjoyment. I didn't know they had any territory here."  
  
Leading the trio Zelda's Poisons and Jabberwocky's House of Mirrors, the gang finally stopped at a dilapidated building. After roughly shoving the three bound wizards inside, one of the captors peered around outside before shutting the door and locking it.  
  
Sirius gazed around the room, and was startled to see that they weren't the only prisoners in the room. Eight other people were there, all looking equally terrified.  
  
The old man grinned once again. "Have you three ever played Wizard's Roulette? I assume you're familiar with it."  
  
Nobody answered, but the old man hadn't expected a reply. "No? Well, then, let me explain. I load a spell into my wand and then see which one of you is hit when I say the triggering charm. Doesn't that sound fun?" he said, disdainfully tossing Remus's  
  
Severus glared at the old man. "So, we're here to satisfy the whim of a doddering old madman?"  
  
The old man smirked. "Precisely. Now hush," he said, shoving both Severus's and Remus's wands between his teeth to stop him from speaking.  
  
"Now then." The old man cleared his throat and preformed a complicated pattern in the air with his wand, with the spectators watching hungrily. After a final spin of his wand, he hissed out an incantation. "Kajkengotta!"  
  
From out of nowhere a swirling, ghostly wind appeared and was sucked inside the wand, like a whirlpool. The watching group seemed to be growing more and more excited.  
  
Grinning wickedly, the old man turned his wand at the first victim, a young woman, and growled out the trigger spell. "Ririsu!"  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
The old man smirked and turned to the second prisoner. "Ririsu!"  
  
And so it followed for the next three captives, until he reached Sirius. The old man looked thoughtfully between Severus, Sirius and Remus for a moment before coming to a decision "You three. You all came together. Why don't you play together?"  
  
Two members of the cruel audience roughly shoved the three men closer together. The old man pointed his wand and smiled more insanely than ever before. "RIRISU!"  
  
In a blinding flash of sparks and flame, the spell erupted from the wand and engulfed the trio. The inferno raged for a moment, before suddenly collapsing on itself in a burst of light.  
  
The old man's eyes glittered wickedly. "Well, then. I suppose I win the bet, again. Pay up, my friends," he said, holding open a sack of Galleons, Sickles and Knuts. Grumbling, the surrounding mages complied and left the room. The old man Oblivated the remaining prisoners and left the old building, happy at yet another profitable day. 


	2. Breathing, seeing, feeding as one

Severus squeezed his eyes tightly shut against the glaring sun.  
  
"Ugh..." he groaned to himself, groggily. "I'm cursing whoever opened my curtains this morning."  
  
As Severus slowly came to his senses, the memories of the previous day came flooding back to him. And speaking of flooding, he suddenly noticed just how wet he was. Sitting up quickly, Severus stared in confusion at his surroundings. He was half-submerged in a lazily flowing river in what looked like a jungle, his wand a few metres away. Uncaringly crushing the delicate undergrowth that covered the forest floor, Severus dragged himself out of the dark, murky stream and stood up, still gazing at the surrounding jungle. Enormous green leaves nearly blocked the sky from view, only letting a few sharp beams of light filter through.  
  
"Lupin? Black? Are you here?" Severus yelled, unsure how well the sound would carry through the dense trees. "Hello? Lupin? Black?" he called again.  
  
"Severus?" A voice responded from not too far away, sounding disoriented and tired.  
  
Severus looked around. "Lupin? Is that you? Where are you?"  
  
But before Remus could answer there was a loud crack and a sharp yell. Severus looked up in time to see Remus seconds before he crashed down on top of him in a flurry of leaves and twigs.  
  
After a few seconds of pained silence, Severus growled, "Lupin, would you kindly remove yourself from my back?"  
  
"Sorry, Severus. The tree branch broke." Remus said sheepishly, as he stood. Severus sighed in relief as the weight lifted off his ribcage.  
  
"You're a lot heavier than you look, Lupin. What've you been eating? Bricks?"  
  
Remus smirked slightly and looked up at down at Severus's soaked robes. "Yeah well, at least I didn't wet myself. Were you really that scared?"  
  
Severus scowled. "Oh, you're hilarious. Could we have this battle of wits later? Say, when we're not in a jungle?" he said, retrieving his wand. "Go find your mutt, I'll be leaving."  
  
Remus started to protest, but Severus cut him off: "I'll bring you back a portkey."  
  
"You expect me to believe that?" Lupin said, sceptically, "How do I know you won't just leave and conveniently forget us?  
  
Severus glared at him, "I suppose you'll just have to trust me."  
  
Scowling, Remus turned and stalked into the dense, green jungle, calling for Sirius.  
  
"Sirius! Are you there? Sirius?"  
  
A tired groan came from nearby. Avoiding sharp thorns as he stepped through a grove of saplings, Remus finally spotted Sirius lying in a pile of mud. Worried, he ran over to help, but recoiled suddenly.  
  
It wasn't mud that Sirius was lying in.  
  
Sirius coughed slightly. "Hello Moony, I'm lying in dung."  
  
Remus suppressed a laugh: "I noticed."  
  
Taking Sirius's arm gingerly, Remus hoisted him out of the putrid-smelling muck.  
  
"Snape already Disapparated. He's bringing back a portkey." Remus told him as they made their way back to the clearing.  
  
Sirius scoffed, "Right. You really think that psychopathic bat's going to come back?"  
  
"Really, Black. You think so little of me?"  
  
Remus turned, surprised to see Severus back so quickly.  
  
"That didn't take long. Where's the portkey?" Remus looked at Severus again. "And why are you still wet?"  
  
Severus looked distinctly frustrated and confused. "I couldn't Disapparate; I couldn't perform a drying charm; I couldn't even levitate a stone! Something is wrong here."  
  
Perplexed, Remus took out his own wand and pointed it at a nearby shrub. "Engorgio!"  
  
A faint, low humming sound emitted from the wand, like an electrical generator shutting down, but the little tree remained the same size.  
  
A worried expression flitted across Remus's face and he turned to Sirius.  
  
"Sirius, would you transform?"  
  
Sirius nodded and, after a moment, looked to Remus, slightly panicked. "I can't. Something's absorbing the spell. I don't think we can't do magic here."  
  
Nobody said anything in reply to his statement. In their silence, the sticky, humid air hummed and whispered with ghostly voices and suddenly the rainforest seemed much denser and darker; every plant, tree and drop of water pulsating with feral, malevolent magic, draining the energy of every spell and charm cast. The jungle was breathing, seeing and feeding as one.  
  
This rainforest was alive. 


	3. Off we go, into the wild green yonder

A/N: Un-beta-read right now. The Betaed version is available on FictionAlley, in The Dark Arts section.   
I know this chapter is late, and I'm not totally happy with it. But I wanted to get it posted.   
J.K. owns all Harry Potter related characters and materials. I just like to make them do crazy things.  
  
p  
Nobody said anything for at least 5 minutes. They stared around at the looming jungle, trying to come to grips with the situation. It was Remus who finally broke the silence.  
"This means...This means we're stranded here, aren't we?"  
Severus snapped at him, "No, We're not!" He gazed at the surrounding trees, and said quietly, "We can't be..."  
Remus sighed, and sat down on a rock. "Do either of you have any idea where we are?"  
Sirius grinned slightly, "A jungle?"   
Severus glared at him, "Don't be a smart-ass, Black."  
Remus raised a hand to silence the two, "Okay, yes, it's a jungle, but where? I seem to recall hearing something about a spell-absorbing jungle in History of Magic..."  
Sirius shrugged, "All I seem to recall is how good a pillow my textbook made."   
"It's in South America... I think." Severus said, "Well, it's been established that nobody here actually paid any attention in class and we're no closer to figuring out how to get out of here."  
  
"I guess we'll just have to walk." Remus concluded, standing up with a determined look on his face.  
Severus looked at him incredulously, "Are you insane?! We don't know which way to go, we have no idea what's out there! It could take months to get out, if we don't get killed!"  
Sirius sneered, angrily, "Do you have any better ideas? What the hell else can we do, just wait and hope that somebody comes to rescue us?"  
"We'd probably be safer!" Severus snarled, "D'you know what lives in these places? This is one of the only places on earth that you're unlikely to survive for more than 15 minutes! Harpies, Twitch Piranhas, 25-metre-long Anacondas, all out thee, all perfectly willing to pick out bones clean given half the chance. So, if you're asking me whether or not I think it's a good idea, I'd have to say NO. It's a horrible, deadly, immensely stupid idea." he paused to breath for a moment,   
  
  
  
"But no, I don't have any better ideas. But we can't just run into the heart of the jungle without some notion of a plan. Gryffindor bravery won't save you when you're halfway devoured."   
Remus stepped between the two, "That's enough." he said, sternly, "We do need a plan. How about we choose a direction, and stick to it? That way, if we need to get back to this clearing, we'll know the way. Is that acceptable?"  
Remus looked between Severus and Sirius for agreement. Sirius thought for a moment before agreeing, Severus just scowled and nodded.   
  
"Well, which way do we go?" Sirius asked, looking up to the canopy.  
  
"We should follow the river downstream," Severus said, pointing to the slow, whispering river he had been submerged in earlier, "That way, we'll eventually get to either a village or the coast."  
Sirius nodded, "That sounds about right. Let's go."   
  
"Hold it, Sirius." Remus said before Sirius could get far. "Come over here, I want you to look at this in the water."   
Sirius peered over the bank into the murky depths.   
  
"I don't see any- Argh!"  
Severus had shoved Sirius into the river. Sputtering and coughing, Sirius looked up angrily at him.  
"What the bloody hell did you do that for?!" he snarled,  
  
"You were lying in a pile of dung from an unknown animal for about 5 hours. You needed a bath, and that was just the most entertaining solution we could think of." Severus smirked,  
Sirius glared at Remus, "You would collaborate with him to humiliate me? What kind of friend are you, anyway?"  
  
"We weren't collaborating!" Remus protested, "We were temporarily united against a common enemy."  
  
"I'm the enemy?" Sirius asked indignantly,  
"No. Your stench was the enemy. You were just caught in the crossfire." Severus said, waiting as Remus dragged Sirius out of the water. Sirius huffed and shook himself off in a dog-like manner, spattering Remus and Severus with water.  
  
"That's very mature, Black." Severus sneered, wiping the water off his face. "As if I wasn't soaked enough."   
  
Remus sighed, "Are you two going to be harrassing each other the whole time we're here?"   
  
"Of course not!" Sirius said, "The rest of the time we'll be harrassing you."   
  
"Oh, goody."   
  
Taking a last look at the dangerous jungle before them, the trio set off downstream, hoping the river would lead them home.   
* * * * *  
  
"Oof!"  
  
For not the first time, Sirius tripped over a large root sticking out of the ground. He had begun to wonder if they were purposely emerging from the earth to make him stumble.   
  
"Black, will you watch where you're going?" Severus said, "If you crack your skull open, I'm not carrying you."  
Sirius scowled, "It's not my fault! All the leaf litter hides these damn roots and I can't see them."  
"Then how come you're the only one tripping?" Remus asked, mildly amused, "Are they out to get you?"   
  
"I wouldn't be surprised." Sirius retorted, peering around at the enourmous trees and hanging vines that surrounded them, "This isn't a normal jungle. I feel like we're being watched... Like something is hunting us."  
"That's ridiculous, Sirius." Remus said, half to himself, "If there were any animals hunting us, we'd have seen it or something by now."  
"Not nesscessarily, Lupin." Severus said, eyes shifting over the dark labyrinth of trees, "There are plenty of predators we wouldn't see or hear until it's too late. I thought you were an animal expert."  
Remus frowned, "I know about defending against dark creatures. That doesn't make me an expert. What exactly do you think is out here that we couldn't handle?"  
Severus started listing them off, "Jaguars, giant Pythons, Alligators... It's probably warm enough for Lethifolds to live here."  
Sirius looked at him sharply, "Lethifolds? You think so?"   
Severus nodded, "We'll just have to hope we don't run into any..."  
  
"And I suppose if we do run into any, we'll just have to flee in terror, hoping we can outrun it?"  
  
Severus smirked, "Never thought I'd hear the words 'flee in terror' from a Gryffindor."  
  
"Oh shut-up," Sirius snapped, 'Git.'  
  
"Mutt." Severus retorted.  
  
Remus rubbed his temples. This was going to be a long trip.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"I'm going on a trip and I'm bringing.. erm, a cat, a bar and.. er... aspixiation?"  
  
"Asphyxiation, Black. Alright, I'm going on a trip and I'm bringing Dysprosium, a cat, a bar and aspixiation."   
  
"I'm not going to play anymore unless you stop using words like that."  
Remus chastised himself for starting that game. He had suggested it, thinking it might pass the time, but so far it had only frustrated Sirius as he tried to remember whatever obscure word Severus had come up with.  
  
After a few minutes of silence as they trudged through the jungle, Sirius spoke up.  
  
"Any guesses on how long it might take to get our of here?"   
Remus shook his head. "Not a clue. If we keep to this path, hopefully only a few... Uh-oh."  
  
Much to the wizards' surprise, the river was no longer a straight path. It had decided to split off into two seperate rivers, going in opposite directions.   
Sirius looked between the forks.   
  
"So, which way should we go?"  
  
"Right." Severus said,  
  
"Left." Remus said at the same time. They shot glares at each other. Sirius frowned, "Sorry, Remus, but we're on the right side of the river, and I don't especially feel like taking another swim. Even if I did, it's piranah-infested water." Sirius pointed into the water, where a flash of teeth and scales showed he was correct.   
  
"Off we go, into the wild green yonder..."   
Severus muttered as the started down the path, not knowing where it would lead them.  
  
TBC 


	4. Storm

_A/N: Look, I'm alive! I'm dreadfully sorry this took me so long to get out, but action scenes are hard to write. And as you will see, I didn't exactly manage it correctly in the end. Also, I'm looking for a new beta-reader. Please e-mail me of you are interested._

  
It only took an instant for Remus to remember why these places were called rainforests. It had been clear and peaceful only moments ago, but then the sky had suddenly darkened with thick black clouds and within seconds, it had started raining. 

Speaking loudly over the sound of rain hitting the nearby river, Sirius grumbled. "I thought rainforest canopies would shield the rain. I think it's coming down from under the leaves, not from above them." 

"Oh stop complaining, Black." Severus snapped, "Rain won't kill you... Unless we drown."  
"Well, if it gets that bad, we're using your corpse as a raft." Sirius retorted, sneering.   
"What makes you think I'll be the one to die first?" Severus snarled viciously,   
"Besides, with all the hot air in your head, you'd float much better than I would." 

Remus shook his head as the two snapped and snarled at each other like dogs. Shielding his eyes against the increasingly vicious rainfall, Remus strained to hear what Severus and Sirius were shouting, but found that the sound of raindrops striking the leaves drowned out their voices completely. It seemed the more heated the argument became, the worse the storm was. 

"Stop!" Remus cried out, "The storm is getting worse! You're making it worse!" But it was to no avail. Streaks of lightning flashed across the violet sky, filling the jungle with light. Remus winced against the enormous thunderclap that rattled his eardrums as he yelled out again. 

It only took Remus a split second to realize why muggle movies always had disasters go in slow motion. They actually happened like that in real life. Remus watched, horrified, as Sirius grabbed Severus by the collar and took a step towards him, as if to attack, but a sudden bolt of lightning startled them. Remus eyes widened in shock as he saw Sirius misstep and go sliding down a muddy slope, into the darkness, dragging Severus with him. Panicked, Remus threw caution to the wind, and slid down the muddy ledge after them. 

Only brief flashes of light from the stormy sky provided any visibility in the darkened jungle. Reaching out, helplessly, Remus called out desperately.

"Are you there?! Sirius? Severus?"   
"Remus?" Sirius called back, from somewhere unknown.   
"What?" Remus yelled back, looking around wildly in the darkness, "Where are-"   
Remus's voice caught in his throat as an echoing crack came from overhead. He watched, horrified, as the silhouette of a broken tree branch came crashing down on top of him, and he knew no more.

***

When he awoke, Remus did not know how long he had been unconscious. Moaning and rubbing his head, he squinted at the sudden sunlight that was invading his eyes. Remus sat up carefully and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing his companions were fully alive. Sirius was sitting against a tree, asleep (Not to mention, snoring) Severus was seated on a nearby tree stump, wrapping a splint to his wrist with a vine. He glanced sidelong at Remus.

"You're awake." he said simply, still occupied with the makeshift splint. Remus nodded.   
"Er, yeah. Wh-what happened?"   
"Lightning sand." Severus said, indicating a pit that closely resembled golf-course sand trap.   
"Lighting sand?" Remus, asked confused.   
Severus nodded. Picking up a large stick, he tossed it into the sand. Remus watched, shocked, as it was sucked beneath the sand within seconds.   
"So, I'm assuming you fell in?"   
"Actually, it was sleeping-beauty over there. I pulled him out after he fell."   
"You saved him?" Remus asked, surprised.   
"Don't get excited, Lupin." Severus growled, "I just didn't want to have to explain to Dumbledore what happened to him"   
"Sure, Snape. Whatever you say." Sirius had woken up, and was now watching Severus, smirking.   
"Shut up, Black."   
Sirius chuckled and ignored him. "Remus, you would never believe what happened. After we slid down, I thought I had landed in mud, but we couldn't see anything! It was completely pitch black." 

Remus smirked, but refrained from making the obvious pun. (He suspected that Severus would have severely beaten him.) 

"So, I thought I heard you, but there was this big crack. I suppose it must've been the branch that hit you. And then, I noticed that I was sinking into the mud. It was waist-high by the time I realised, and when I had first landed, I was only up to my ankles, so I knew I was sinking fast. And then, Severus, believe it or not, saw that I was sinking, and so he climbed onto a tree branch, even though it was still thundering like mad, through down a vine, and pulled me out... And then he fell out of the tree."

Remus shook his head in disbelief and looked over at Severus. "You did all that?"

Severus didn't look up from his bandaging. "It was an act of necessity. Nothing more."

"That doesn't change the fact you saved Sirius's life. He owes you." 

Sirius glared at Remus, as if hoping he wouldn't have mentioned that detail, but then looked back at Severus. "Some Slytherin YOU are, saving my life like that. I think hanging around Gryffindors like us has rubbed off on you." 

"That's ridiculous, Sirius." Severus smirked as he stood, "If you that were true, I would have rubbed off on you, and you wouldn't have needed saving in the first place." 

Remus chuckled and helped Sirius to his feet.   
"Yeah, well, maybe you should have been a Gryffindor in the first place." Sirius laughed.   
"Take that back!"   
"Severus is a Gryffindor! Severus is a Gryffindor!"   
"Do I have to put you in the quicksand again?"   
"Severus is a Gryffindor, and he's going marry Minerva McGonagall!"   
"Sirius, I'm warning you..."   
"And he has red underwear with gold lions on it!"   
"That's it!" 

Remus smiled to himself and walked ahead, ignoring the sounds of what was no doubt a comical scuffle behind him. Sometimes the worst-case scenario could make the best of a bad situation. 


	5. How to start a fire

_ This chapter is to be re-written at some point over the summer. Frankly, it's not really a finished chapter, and I'm not totally pleased with it, but I knew I needed to update._

"We all live in yellow subma-urk!" Sirius' ballad was cut to an abrupt halt as Severus clamped a hand over his mouth. 

He glared, "Sirius, you've been repeating that one line for an hour. Shut... Up..." 

Sirius pouted, "Well, how else do you expect me to pass the time? And I'm not playing that damn word game with you two nerds again!

Remus rolled his eyes. "If you must be entertained, then sing something a little less-" "Horrifying." Severus cut in, "Sing something that doesn't involve anything yellow."

"Fine, fine..." Sirius grumbled, but his eyes suddenly lit with a mischivous glint, "Only if you both sing too."

"No." Severus and Remus said at the same time. Sirius grinned, "All right! ... Dancing queen! Young and - OW, Remus!" "No ABBA." Remus said sternly. Sirius groaned, "Okay fine. We'll sing something as dull and lifeless as you are..." Sirius cracked a cruel grin at Remus and started, "On the first part of the journey, I was looking at all the life... There were plants and birds and rocks and things, there was sand and hills and rain" "Sirius, you know I hate that song!" Remus started, but Sirius smirked and continued on. Severus just rubbed his temples and tried to zone him out.

"The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz And the sky with no clouds The heat was hot and the ground was dry But the air was full of sound" Sirius screeched out his ballad, leaving Remus wincing. "Don't quit your day job..." 

"I've been through the desert on a horse with no name It felt good to be out of the rain..."

Remus pressed his hands over his ears as he continued on, hoping any local monsters would be scared away by the so-called singing. 

***

"La, la, lalala, la la..." 

Remus held up a hand to stop the insecint la-ing (Sirius had forgotten what the verse after the dead riverbed was, so he had just gone on with the chorus over and over. Severus hadn't done anything to stop it, claiming this was of entirely different than before, as this was apparently a _good_ song, and this time it was done for the sole purpose of annoying Remus. 

"It's getting dark." Remus said, looking around, "We should stop for the night."

Severus looked up at the darkening sky, "That's probably a good idea. But we should sleep in shifts. We don't know what's out there." 

Sirius nodded in agreement and knelt down. "Yeah. I don't fancy reaching over and putting my hand into a pile of goo that a moment ago was my best friend's face. You'll know what to do!"

Severus and Remus exchanged looks. 

_"What?"_

"Nevermind. Huh, you know the definition of asphyxiation, but you don't know muggle movie quotes." 

Remus rolled his eyes and started to flatten the grass at his feet. 

"Do either of you know how to start a fire?" 

Sirius bit his lip, "Er, I think it involves sticks and some string and some dried twigs?" 

Severus just looked at him. "You live in a cave. How do you not know how to start a fire without magic?" 

Sirius looked insulted, "Hey! You teach kids how to boil things for a living! How do _you_ not know?"

Remus decided to step in, "Okay, stop it. We don't need another argument-related thunderstorm. Now, I remember reading _something_ about fire-starting, so not another word out of either of you." 

Picking up a handful of dried twigs and placing them in a spot of clear ground, Remus thought back to the survival article he had read months ago on in a newspaper he found on the muggle underground. He took two larger sticks from the pile and started to furiously rub them together. After only a few minutes, Remus was exauhsted.

"This... is... impossible!" he panted, pushing hair off of his face, "How can mu-" 

Remus stared down at the muggle lighter that Severus had dropped on the ground in front of him.  
He turned towards him, "I suppose there's a reason you didn't tell me you had that before?"   
Severus just smirked, "You said "Not another word."   
Sirius grinned, "Yeah. He was just following your instructions, o intrepid leader." Sirius then looked over to Severus, "Where'd you get that, anyhow?"   
"Just something I probably bought while very pissed after a pub crawl. I've also got a pen with a picture of a woman on it, and when you turn it upside down, her clothes come off."

Even with the lighter, it was well-past sundown when the fire was fully started.   
"I'll take the first shift watching, and I'll wake-" Remus stopped short, his train of thought broken by loud snores. He turned and saw Sirius, flat on his back. 

Remus sighed, "He still snores. Great." 

Severus scowled as he sat against a tree trunk. "Shall we stuff his nose with leaf litter, them?"

Remus chuckled, "That would be a waste of energy. I've tired it before, all it did was make the noise more grating." 

Severus just grunted and closed his eyes, listening to the crackling fire. 

As Severus and Sirius slept, Remus could not help but feel drowsy as he gazed into the dancing flames. 'Maybe,' he thought to himself, 'I'll just rest my eyes for a moment...' Remus's eyelids drooped shut, and soon, he was fast asleep as well. 


	6. Author's Note on release of OotP

What with the release of Order of the Phoenix, I'd like to tell you all, come what may, this story will continue as planned, as the book's timeline has no interference, and I know how to wrap this up so it won't become AU. All this may do is put a damper on the sequel I'm thinking of, but I can find a loophole. 


End file.
